Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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