I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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