We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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