they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she told me i tasted like america
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
