the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
