five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
