I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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