What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
