ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
