ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
