so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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