she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
