im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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