The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
