took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
