she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
