you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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