mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
