Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
