just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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