sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I cockslap morals
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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