you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
