Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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