She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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