and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
