i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
