Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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