He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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