he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm getting married
To pizza
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
