A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it penis luge time yet?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
