Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
do herpes really smell.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
