and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
