She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
