The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
