She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
