Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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