Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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