Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
