You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
