Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
