just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
