"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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