I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
