I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so much tequila, so little girl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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