you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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