can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
