i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
