We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
