I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
