I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
