Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
